Well this had been mulling about in my mind for months and I think I'm finally ready to commit it to writing.
In February 2006 we discovered the show "Lost." My in-laws gave us several free movie rental coupons they had and we visited the local Blockbuster and rented the first season of "Lost" with those coupons.
Back then we didn't watch much TV. We didn't even know a show like "Lost" existed.
All of us were quickly attached to many of the characters and the plot line.
After being unemployed for 22 months, in February 2006 we knew the worst was coming as we had dwindled our retirement funds and savings down to nothing in hopes of hubby finding a job and being able to preserve our one remaining investment -- our house. But in February 2006 we knew that foreclosure was eminent and could not be avoided.
This was a devasting reality to my hubby and I. It felt as if our whole world was collapsing and we worried so for our children who already had suffered much depravation due to our circumstances.
Although I had been working five part-time jobs, it wasn't enough to pay the mortgage. And hubby was continuing to meet dead-ends. It was a bleak time. Little hope remained. What hope there was we tried to share with the kids so that they wouldn't feel as desperate as we were feeling.
Dh had worked for 19 years in the semi-conductor industry as an ASIC designer. When he was laid off in April 2004 it was such a shock. His job was being transferred overseas. There were thousands of laid-off engineers here. It was frustrating to fill out job application after job application only to learn that "you're over qualified." When dh did get to an interview, he was often told that they couldn't hire him because as soon as something better came along they thought he would be gone and the time they invested in training him would be gone with him. He pleaded with a few that he just wanted to work to feed his family and pay his bills -- to no avail.
And then along came "Lost." It's characters, who each were lost in their own ways, appealed to ALL of us~the sci-fi fan, the historical fan, the reality fan, the sports fan, and the fantasy fan. Even the plot line sometimes got lost it seemed in weird and twisted ways.
Escapism in its highest form. Because the girls all liked it so much, my in-laws kept renting continuing episodes for us (I think there were 3 episodes to a rental dvd). We were so hooked and I never saw such cooperation to complete chores or school work so we could all sit down together and watch another episode.
Somehow, huddling together by the glowing light cast from the TV, the Holy Spirit tugged on our hearts and we each came to realize in a very personal way that the Lord is always watching out for us. The pain of losing our home wasn't over, but the initial shock and disappointment that it wouldn't work out was eased by the hope that began to grow.
One of the "Lost" characters has a baby on the deserted island that their plane has crashed on. Shortly after the baby is born, there's a baptism of the child. Those scenes spoke volumes to all of us, even our (at that time) 6-year old. The hope of salvation is ever present. God is always with us.
So, that's my "Lost" post, for those who've been questioning me about it! Voila!
Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
August 30, 2007
July 10, 2007
Fragile, frail and frayed
It is thought provoking to me so see how fragile sometimes our hold on normal is. Constant stress can make one feel so frail. And so, the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back comes to mind because you can withstand the many assaults on your normalcy, and then one rather insignificant thing happens and your world seems to crash down upon you!
It is also curious to me how shell-shocked you can be for quite some time after surviving major stresses. Normal isn’t normal. I guess in today’s world they might call it “post-traumatic stress syndrome” where you aren’t quite back to your old self and you’re rather sensitive (as in a heightened awareness) to particular stimuli. I call this being frayed – the ends are coming apart but the main thing is still together. You’re ok ‘til you get to the ends and then you don’t have much to hold onto and when you pull it, it unravels and frays.
I think what it comes down to is that the stresses you survived changed you, and you need time to incorporate those into your being, so that what used to be normal is updated with the new things you’ve learned. I liken that to a mourning period, because what was old and familiar is gone and you need to adjust to the new way things are.
Praying for some normalcy, some solid ground to stand on, and for insignificant things to quit bothering me so much. I’d appreciate you joining me in that prayer if you feel led to.
Fragile, frail and frayed.
It is also curious to me how shell-shocked you can be for quite some time after surviving major stresses. Normal isn’t normal. I guess in today’s world they might call it “post-traumatic stress syndrome” where you aren’t quite back to your old self and you’re rather sensitive (as in a heightened awareness) to particular stimuli. I call this being frayed – the ends are coming apart but the main thing is still together. You’re ok ‘til you get to the ends and then you don’t have much to hold onto and when you pull it, it unravels and frays.
I think what it comes down to is that the stresses you survived changed you, and you need time to incorporate those into your being, so that what used to be normal is updated with the new things you’ve learned. I liken that to a mourning period, because what was old and familiar is gone and you need to adjust to the new way things are.
Praying for some normalcy, some solid ground to stand on, and for insignificant things to quit bothering me so much. I’d appreciate you joining me in that prayer if you feel led to.
Fragile, frail and frayed.
April 13, 2007
Prayer of Thanksgiving
This isn't a post about the words of my children. But it is our expression of what we've been through the last few years. We offer it as a prayer.
Our life has taken an interesting twist the last few years. You never imagine that things will be so difficult. My husband, like so many, was laid off in April 2003 as part of the great shifting of engineering jobs that went overseas. Professionally trained as a design engineer and working continuously in that field for 19 years, he now faced the arduous task of seeking employment in various other arenas.
He sought some further education in an interest of his and believed this to be an opportune time to explore that option. However, that was not to be. He then decided to go with his true heart and try to find employment that would satisfy his desire to be able to express his faith, to help others in their faith and to be part of the faith community in his daily job. Completely changing the focus of your employment endeavors when all your experience has been in an entirely different arena meant giving total confidence to the Lord to see it accomplished. In small ways, there were successful beginnings. He helped a Christian homeschool group begin a bookstore that serves a constituency of over 16,000. Although only involved for the initial start up and beginning of that ministry, he prays daily for its success and is glad to see the Lord using it to bless many. He has also helped mentor others in their decision process of where to go and what to look for in employment. It has given him tremendous satisfaction to help others who are struggling with the same conflicts – going for the tried and true, or extending faith in following your heart and dreams (the Lord gives us the desires of our heart afterall as in Psalm 37:4, Psalm 20:4, Jeremiah 29:11).
But mostly, this has been a journey where we haven’t even been able to see one step ahead. We’ve simply put one foot in front of the other, trusting in the Lord to provide and guide. And He has – in ways we couldn’t even perceive.
After over three years, we remain on this path of uncertainty, holding fast to the hand of the Lord. Some have compared us to Job, suffering what seems to the outside world one attack after another. What they haven’t seen are the dark moments of doubt and fear, the times of impatience and bewilderment when we ask “Why us, Lord?” We have been blessed to have the Holy Spirit guide us back to confidence in the Lord’s supreme providence. Those moments of questioning have turned into simple faith and trust as we realize that the Lord has not forsaken us, and has in fact taken precious care of us.
Others have often told us what an example of patient faith we are. I always point them to the times of doubt and insecurity that they don’t see because it happens in the middle of the night when others are resting but sleep eludes us due to doubts that plague our hearts and minds. Nevertheless, with the dawn comes renewed hope because the Lord has so graciously blessed us with His loving care. So often, when we didn’t have even an idea of how to get through a tough spot, the Lord worked through others to bless us in unimaginable ways. When others want to point to us as an example of patient hope and faith, I must instead give the credit to the Lord for it is He who has pulled us through. Were it left up to our own miserable selves, we would not be where we are now. He lifts us up, sustains us, bolsters our faith and gives us hope and courage.
There are so many lessons we’ve learned that I pray we will remember when we come out from this rocky part of our journey. I pray we will always have compassion for others as they encounter their steep and rocky paths. I pray that we will be moved to help in material and spiritual ways as the Holy Spirit prompts us to be the hands of God. And I pray that we will always remember that it is to the Lord’s complete credit that we made it through. I often think of that poem “Footprints.” The Lord is carrying us, sustaining us, refining us. As much as we so desperately want to walk beside Him, we are so grateful for His loving care in putting us on His shoulders for this time and walking us through to that smooth part of the path.
Thank you, Lord, for Your shepherding of our family. May we always respond with faith to Your providential movement in our lives.
Amen.
Our life has taken an interesting twist the last few years. You never imagine that things will be so difficult. My husband, like so many, was laid off in April 2003 as part of the great shifting of engineering jobs that went overseas. Professionally trained as a design engineer and working continuously in that field for 19 years, he now faced the arduous task of seeking employment in various other arenas.
He sought some further education in an interest of his and believed this to be an opportune time to explore that option. However, that was not to be. He then decided to go with his true heart and try to find employment that would satisfy his desire to be able to express his faith, to help others in their faith and to be part of the faith community in his daily job. Completely changing the focus of your employment endeavors when all your experience has been in an entirely different arena meant giving total confidence to the Lord to see it accomplished. In small ways, there were successful beginnings. He helped a Christian homeschool group begin a bookstore that serves a constituency of over 16,000. Although only involved for the initial start up and beginning of that ministry, he prays daily for its success and is glad to see the Lord using it to bless many. He has also helped mentor others in their decision process of where to go and what to look for in employment. It has given him tremendous satisfaction to help others who are struggling with the same conflicts – going for the tried and true, or extending faith in following your heart and dreams (the Lord gives us the desires of our heart afterall as in Psalm 37:4, Psalm 20:4, Jeremiah 29:11).
But mostly, this has been a journey where we haven’t even been able to see one step ahead. We’ve simply put one foot in front of the other, trusting in the Lord to provide and guide. And He has – in ways we couldn’t even perceive.
After over three years, we remain on this path of uncertainty, holding fast to the hand of the Lord. Some have compared us to Job, suffering what seems to the outside world one attack after another. What they haven’t seen are the dark moments of doubt and fear, the times of impatience and bewilderment when we ask “Why us, Lord?” We have been blessed to have the Holy Spirit guide us back to confidence in the Lord’s supreme providence. Those moments of questioning have turned into simple faith and trust as we realize that the Lord has not forsaken us, and has in fact taken precious care of us.
Others have often told us what an example of patient faith we are. I always point them to the times of doubt and insecurity that they don’t see because it happens in the middle of the night when others are resting but sleep eludes us due to doubts that plague our hearts and minds. Nevertheless, with the dawn comes renewed hope because the Lord has so graciously blessed us with His loving care. So often, when we didn’t have even an idea of how to get through a tough spot, the Lord worked through others to bless us in unimaginable ways. When others want to point to us as an example of patient hope and faith, I must instead give the credit to the Lord for it is He who has pulled us through. Were it left up to our own miserable selves, we would not be where we are now. He lifts us up, sustains us, bolsters our faith and gives us hope and courage.
There are so many lessons we’ve learned that I pray we will remember when we come out from this rocky part of our journey. I pray we will always have compassion for others as they encounter their steep and rocky paths. I pray that we will be moved to help in material and spiritual ways as the Holy Spirit prompts us to be the hands of God. And I pray that we will always remember that it is to the Lord’s complete credit that we made it through. I often think of that poem “Footprints.” The Lord is carrying us, sustaining us, refining us. As much as we so desperately want to walk beside Him, we are so grateful for His loving care in putting us on His shoulders for this time and walking us through to that smooth part of the path.
Thank you, Lord, for Your shepherding of our family. May we always respond with faith to Your providential movement in our lives.
Amen.
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