Betrayal

I’ve been trying to formulate my thoughts on this matter in a cogent fashion and I keep getting interrupted by life.

I want to be able to put my thoughts down without sounding too maudlin, self-deprecating, or judgmental of others. That may be a harder task than just letting it all out. But it’s important to me, so I’ll give it a shot.

When a marriage unravels that there are layers of emotions to deal with. I suppose in a way, it’s like the reverse of how a marriage works. I don’t mean that exactly. It’s just that as newlyweds, there are lots of things to deal with in adjustment to a life shared. Those adjustments continue as a marriage does and as people grow and change, or not.

And when those lives are separated, there’s a lot to adjust to as well. Expectations are dashed in a myriad of areas and it requires a new approach. For instance, holidays are different. Particularly if you have children. Now their time is divided. Being alone on days that were of such a celebratory nature prior to divorce is quite a change.

Families ripped apart are just not the way it’s supposed to be.

I’m a reflective person by nature, so I’ve been pondering how all this occurs. I am sure it’s different for different people and marriages… but it seems to me that the main reason for divorce is betrayal. Vows are betrayed, whether physically or mentally, or both. There is a breaking of trust and love fades, and it’s then that folks have a choice… they can choose to honor their vows and the love that once was, or they can give in to lesser character traits and betray the one that they vowed to love, honor and cherish till death parts them.

But the most heart-wrenching is the betrayal of the children. Their lives are forever altered, shattered by the very people who should be protecting them. How can they ever trust anyone completely again? And this is why I think that children of divorce are so much more likely to be divorced themselves as they grow-up and marry. It’s a sickening cycle that I wish could be reversed and halted.

When I was growing up, divorce was still not a common thing, although it became more common as I aged. I remember a time when people had to sue each other for divorce, and it was a difficult legal process. It’s too bad it isn’t that way today. I think it might make folks think more about what they’re doing to their children and to each other if were harder to sever those vows and rip a family apart.

When divorce is treated so casually, and is so easily obtained, it cheapens the institution of marriage.

But the betrayal doesn’t stop with the parents, it continues with the children who have learned too well the steps that lead to betrayal. They are harsh critics and speak their truth which is often hurtful, not because they intend to hurt, but because they are speaking the truth as they know it.

You know the saying, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” Well, I see that as true. Those of thin character cannot tough it out and give into their lesser natures, seeking temporary satisfaction in matters quite temporal. It takes more than courage to face the storms of life and to weather them with your character intact, it takes humbleness, patience and love. If you voluntary give those up, what are you? What do you teach your children?

Oh, that we all had fortitude in abundance!

Life feels like the chalk on the sidewalk. Brilliant and colorful. Temporary and easily washed away.

I cling to Christ.