Who is your homeschool guru?

Originally published 7-22-08, then removed for editing, forgotten about and now returned.

Rumbling around in my brain for some time now has been some thoughts that may seem random, but to me have connecting dots.

The first is “Who is your homeschool guru?”

Having been a very active part of the Christian homeschool community for the last 10 years, I am constantly amazed at the guru worship that is evident all around. Are people so hungry for someone to follow who “speaks to their heart” or voices their own thoughts that they behave in adolescent idolatry? It’s scary really to think that some of the “bigger” names in the movement can have such an impact. And doesn’t that bother the “gurus” a little bit when they get past their ego rush? What happened to discernment and individuality? Now I’m not advocating being a maverick in every aspect of your life, but when it comes to our children, if you chose to follow a guru…

… is that replacing the government telling us what to do to with having the guru telling us what to do?

I’m all for listening to folks for new ideas and considerations, but to blindly follow simply because so-and-so said so, that’s frightening! I’ve always been more of a gleaner, choosing which aspects suit our family’s needs and personalities. The fact that so much of this revolves around various renderings of the LAW is a bit difficult to stomach, because there is such freedom in GRACE!

When I try to think about it in terms of the three uses of the law, I have to remind myself that isn’t the end of the conversation about it. No matter how you use the law, the end results should be to point you to the salvation offered by Christ’s atoning sacrifice and the grace freely offered in that.

The second is, and in some cases ties into the first, “Online Friendships.”

Although some folks are fairly cautious about their online “relationships”, I see another aspect of guru happening here that I feel warrants some consideration. The gurus mentioned above share certain aspects of their life with the public. For public figures I think this is ok. I believe they deserve a certain amount of privacy, unless that privacy is hiding something that would affect what they proclaim in public or is a lie (I’m thinking of Ted Haggard-types here.) But without knowing that person IN REAL LIFE, and even sometimes then, we don’t know what they struggle with or what their real life is like. What is presented to you is what they want and chose to present to you.

The same can be said of online friendships. What you see is what is presented on blogs, via communities such as Facebook or ning or other electronic means. It’s not the whole picture, it’s what people choose to share.

Let me share with you from my own personal experiences.

The first year we volunteered for our state homeschool convention I was so excited. We were going to have the opportunity to have more personal contact with the speakers because as committee members we had access that attendees don’t have. We were going to have the opportunity to mingle with the speakers via the relaxation areas available to us and the meals that we would share. In this aspect, we kept running into a particular speaker who had brought along his 3-year old son. Every time we ran into this man when he wasn’t speaking, he was on his wireless computer preparing the last few parts of his talks, or checking email. He didn’t engage his son in any kind of conversation or pay attention to him. In fact, more than once I or another lady actually cut this child’s food up for him and made certain he had what he needed (napkins, spoon instead of fork, a drink). Now his dad was grateful and said thanks to us, but it didn’t change that he had his eyes glued to the computer screen. I do not know how or why this speaker was in the position of being glued to his computer screen. Perhaps events prevented him from being as prepared as he would have liked and he felt a responsibility to give it his best shot for his workshops. Perhaps serious and consequential business or family concerns were keeping him from interacting with the child who was present with him. I don’t know these other factors. All I know is that from all appearances at this conference, this man was not practicing what he was sharing in his seminars. He was displaying the exact opposite. This spoke volumes to me. I tried not judge him, for I didn’t know what was going on to make him behave that way and I’ve tried ever since then to give him the benefit of the doubt that this somehow wasn’t an indication of the “norm” for him. But then a couple of years later he was a speaker again and this time brought a daughter with him. The behavior pattern unfortunately was the same. And I’ve tried once again to give him the benefit of the doubt, but it is very hard for me to do that after the second time.

The other thing I have to share that I think helps represent these points involves someone I know personally. Someone with whom I once felt a great affinity for her mind was sharp and inquisitive and we shared common interests, including volunteering with a homeschool support group together. But then, this woman began to change somewhat, I think she was, and is still, allowing that inquisitiveness to lead her into some dangerous thoughts and behaviors. That would be the best construction of the matter. But that seeking lead her away from the group’s purpose and she had to be removed. She didn’t like that and in her anger shared some truly heinous threats towards those who were still in the group. It’s not easy to be told to go away, and so I’ve tried to keep that in mind when I consider or remember what she said and did. Still, I don’t think the majority of us result to threats of such violence and perversion when we are hurt like that. Since then, this lady has chosen to misrepresent what happened, most often sharing that she simply was excluded for personality reasons (truly, if that was the case, that would have happened a long time before that as her personality wasn’t the easiest to get along with for ANY of the other people involved). She’s also presenting herself in a very pristine manner on the internet via her blog (and other electronic communities), that in no way reflects the reality of her life. When she talks about her clean house and how organized it is – that is a far, far stretching of the truth. Her goats actually live in the house with her family and there are regular goat “droppings” around this home, along with urination areas of regular usage by them, and I do not mean the toilet or any kind of designated area like a cat box – INSIDE the home! And as for organization, I know that means different things to different folks… but clothes, both dirty and clean that are strewn about the house, on the floor or furniture, with the same being said for dishes – with and without food on them, and papers and books everywhere… I’m trying to figure out whose definition of organized that is, because it’s not anywhere close to mine. To those who encounter this person on the internet, it appears that things are all honky-dory… but in real life… that’s far from the truth of it.

I remember back to my teenage years and when Elvis died. What a shocker that was… especially as word started coming out that his private life was not what his public image portrayed. So many folks, knowing what a huge fan I was, and still am, of Elvis’ kept asking me if I was disappointed in learning these more salacious aspects of what his life had consisted of. I wasn’t. Because although I did and still do enjoy Elvis’s singing, I never mixed that up with who he might have been in private because that wasn't my business. It was his talent that I enjoyed. I keep that thought in mind when I enjoy any singer, actor, sports figure: it’s their talent I admire. I believe that the Lutheran understanding of vocation has helped me with this.

The following posts can be credited for getting my thinking going on this (see that the first post is from 2006 and you’ll know why I claimed that this has been ruminating in my brain for a while!)

When Homeschoolers Stink -- I have to admit that I’ve been (and still am in some regards) on both sides of this issue. Being aware of it I pray, with the help of the Holy Spirit, will help me not be a stinker when my sinfulness is trying to exert itself.

Old-Fashioned Homeschooling -- I love that we each can homeschool in our own ways to meet the needs of the children we’ve been blessed with. This post spoke to my heart and says things so much more eloquently than I could! I hope you’ll read it. I especially like her comments about there being so many options available out there now and how that can be tempting to change to something *better* because we feel inadequate.

You Don’t Look Like a Homeschool Mom -- I love Jane’s comments about stereotypes because I’ve encountered them way too often! Perhaps because I don't fit the mold -- and don't want to.

Last thoughts for this post: How can we – as a homeschool community – be so attracted to conformity when not conforming is one of the essential reasons we chose to homeschool in the first place? I mean, one of the reasons I homeschool is because I want an individualized education for each of my children. An education that will suit their personalities, learning style and help them with their vocations in life.

Hoping for some dialog on this…